Or should this post be entitled, "When is a self-limiting belief not actually self-limiting"? I was inspired to write this post by one of my FaB clients who I coached earlier this week on a self-limiting belief around money. I felt this life work balance tip would help you with your self-limiting beliefs.
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Hi! I'm Amanda Alexander PCC, Director of Coaching Mums. Welcome to the blog!
Since founding Coaching Mums in 2003, I've helped thousands of working mums across the World to create a sense of balance, fulfillment and success on their own terms.
Here on the blog, you'll find tonnes of free online coaching tools and tips to help you as a working mum to juggle all the roles you play... without losing the plot!
Life Work Balance Tip: Feel the Self-Limiting Belief....and Do It Anyway!
Why working mums need to drop balls as well as juggle them
It’s been an exceptionally busy and stressful couple of months, and
the reason for this stress is not my own business, but my husband’s
work.
Anyone who has either come across Shakespeare’s “The Merchant of
Venice” or who works in the Corporate World (and especially, ahem, in
the IT Industry), will have heard the expression; Read More
Comments
Heather Bestel commented on 14-Apr-2010 11:25 AM
Hi Amanda
Just wanted to say 'Well Done!' for sharing this with us. When we are seen as the expert at something, we often feel we have to keep up the front. You are showing us what happens in real life, to all of us and giving practical advise on how to deal with it. And well done for leading the way and showing us what's really important. That time with your boys is so precious and can't be got back.
As an 'expert' in stress management, people often assume that I never experience stress LOL. And I share with them that we all experience the stresses of life; what my knowledge and experience allows me to do is notice when it's happening and put strategies in place to cope with it.
I love your metaphor of juggling and plate spinning. Way back in college I learned fire blowing, we could get together and do some street theatre. Know any stilt walkers?
Much love
Heather x
Just wanted to say 'Well Done!' for sharing this with us. When we are seen as the expert at something, we often feel we have to keep up the front. You are showing us what happens in real life, to all of us and giving practical advise on how to deal with it. And well done for leading the way and showing us what's really important. That time with your boys is so precious and can't be got back.
As an 'expert' in stress management, people often assume that I never experience stress LOL. And I share with them that we all experience the stresses of life; what my knowledge and experience allows me to do is notice when it's happening and put strategies in place to cope with it.
I love your metaphor of juggling and plate spinning. Way back in college I learned fire blowing, we could get together and do some street theatre. Know any stilt walkers?
Much love
Heather x
Diane Stafford commented on 15-Apr-2010 09:25 AM
Hi Amanda, Great to read you've dropped a few balls, life's too short not to enjoy this rare sunshine with your family. As a single working mum the 'nature of the beast' dictates I juggle and drop balls regularly, yet we are still happy and smiling, and I'm off into the garden to tackle a rambling rose! :)
Majella Wilkins commented on 15-Apr-2010 09:48 AM
Wow - loved this post. I've been feeling overwhelmed of late with juggling home life & my biz. My husband's in IT too and the hours are non negotiable so I'm left "holding the baby" as they say.
Most of the time I feel that I'm just about juggling everything but over the last month or so I've felt that I've been dropping things. This has not sat comfortably with me at all as I like to do things really well. It also left me questioning and in deed doubting my ability and vision for combining my work and family lives.
I love the idea of planning to drop some things - this makes it feel more controlled. Maybe that points to me being a little bit of a control freak! Thks Amanda for such a candid posting.
Most of the time I feel that I'm just about juggling everything but over the last month or so I've felt that I've been dropping things. This has not sat comfortably with me at all as I like to do things really well. It also left me questioning and in deed doubting my ability and vision for combining my work and family lives.
I love the idea of planning to drop some things - this makes it feel more controlled. Maybe that points to me being a little bit of a control freak! Thks Amanda for such a candid posting.
Chocolate Fairy commented on 15-Apr-2010 10:07 AM
Inspiring! I love the juggler and ball dropping analogy - it fits so well, Amanda. Thanks for reminding me that I am a woman, not a superwoman! I've decided to drop a couple of balls today too and I feel lighter and strangely more productive already! Thanks for your wonderful reminders...
Andaleeb Lilley commented on 15-Apr-2010 01:00 PM
Thanks for being so open with us and reminding us it is ok to do this. We all juggle so many balls and sometimes, you just have to let one go. I had so many things to do last weekend but made the decision to go out all day on Sunday with the children and we had a lot of fun.
My husband is coming up to a busy work time which will keep him away for 2-2.5 weeks at a time x 3 the next few months so guess who will be reassessing what I can drop :-)
My husband is coming up to a busy work time which will keep him away for 2-2.5 weeks at a time x 3 the next few months so guess who will be reassessing what I can drop :-)
Jude commented on 15-Apr-2010 01:10 PM
Hi Amanda
I'm a self employed Coach who loves to read your Newsletter because as a working mum (also with a stressed husband in IT) I always find it a joy to read whether it's inspiring or reassuring it's always a great read. You are quite right to drop a few balls - I always think of it in terms of plate spinning and again you are right, no matter what our feminist view points are we are the linchpins of our families and they deserve the best of us not just what our clients leave us with hence sometimes we have take-aways of a weekend and SOMETIMES the ironing is maybe not as thorough as it should be but having cuddles and knowing we are providing as safe, nurturing environment for our families is our foundation.
You are doing brilliantly & I thank you for your honesty and humour - it always helps keep the rest of us ball jugglers/plate spinners a little bit more sane!
Enjoy your day, love & light x
I'm a self employed Coach who loves to read your Newsletter because as a working mum (also with a stressed husband in IT) I always find it a joy to read whether it's inspiring or reassuring it's always a great read. You are quite right to drop a few balls - I always think of it in terms of plate spinning and again you are right, no matter what our feminist view points are we are the linchpins of our families and they deserve the best of us not just what our clients leave us with hence sometimes we have take-aways of a weekend and SOMETIMES the ironing is maybe not as thorough as it should be but having cuddles and knowing we are providing as safe, nurturing environment for our families is our foundation.
You are doing brilliantly & I thank you for your honesty and humour - it always helps keep the rest of us ball jugglers/plate spinners a little bit more sane!
Enjoy your day, love & light x
IT Slave commented on 15-Apr-2010 01:30 PM
This is fabulous! Sound commonsense and a reminder that we can't do it all. Thanks Amanda for helping me realise that it's OK to drop those balls when I need to.
Amanda commented on 15-Apr-2010 01:38 PM
Thank you all for taking the time to comment and for your kind and insightful words.
Majella - I think there are few working mums who AREN'T control freaks... it's a coping mechanism we've formed that doesn't necessarily serve us as well as we'd hoped. Sometimes, but not all the time.
Heather - you're so right about the "non refundable" time with boys!
Diane..lovely to hear from you.. and gorgeous new website. Oooh la la!
Choc Fairy - and thanks for your wisdom this morning too!
Jude - ironing should never be thorough and usually avoided if at all poss. It's either crumpled our outsourced for me! The last time I ironed my husband's shirt, his colleagues took the mick out of him for a non ironed shirt. That was a top strategy!
Majella - I think there are few working mums who AREN'T control freaks... it's a coping mechanism we've formed that doesn't necessarily serve us as well as we'd hoped. Sometimes, but not all the time.
Heather - you're so right about the "non refundable" time with boys!
Diane..lovely to hear from you.. and gorgeous new website. Oooh la la!
Choc Fairy - and thanks for your wisdom this morning too!
Jude - ironing should never be thorough and usually avoided if at all poss. It's either crumpled our outsourced for me! The last time I ironed my husband's shirt, his colleagues took the mick out of him for a non ironed shirt. That was a top strategy!
Rachel commented on 15-Apr-2010 03:10 PM
Wow Amanda this was awesome. The truth and honesty you displayed really touched me - and sound advice.
Liz commented on 15-Apr-2010 03:14 PM
Dear Fellow Wise Ball Droppers!
The other element of this I think is important to remember is called 'extreme self care'. We spend so much of our time and energy looking after others we often forget ourselves. Remember what they say when you get on a plane: 'Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others'.
Drop those balls and find a bit of time to care for yourself and you will be better at caring for everyone else....
I have decided to make it part of my mission to encourage as many women as possible to practice extreme self care at least some of the time. Why not try it even if you have to drop a ball or two!
Great post Amanda, thanks.
The other element of this I think is important to remember is called 'extreme self care'. We spend so much of our time and energy looking after others we often forget ourselves. Remember what they say when you get on a plane: 'Put your own oxygen mask on before helping others'.
Drop those balls and find a bit of time to care for yourself and you will be better at caring for everyone else....
I have decided to make it part of my mission to encourage as many women as possible to practice extreme self care at least some of the time. Why not try it even if you have to drop a ball or two!
Great post Amanda, thanks.
Oma Edoja commented on 15-Apr-2010 04:08 PM
Thanks Alexander for this timely message.
Thanks for reminding me that balls can and should be strategically dropped. I usually throw away, smash or hurl mine out the window!
Yesterday, I "dropped the whole circus!"
I went out with my sister and daughter and left my work
"home alone!" Though the inner critic attempted it's usual whining,
I shut it up, firmly ignoring it.
As a result, I had a great day out with my two "gal pals" and
when I did get back to my desk, my writer's block was gone!
All refreshed, I've done some very thorough business strategizing today, which I've been trying for ages to get done.
I've written up new product descriptions and marketing strategies for my new products, and a whole lot more!
Wow, I should "drop the circus" more often! It certainly is refreshing and very rewarding! And thanks again for sharing your story!
Thanks for reminding me that balls can and should be strategically dropped. I usually throw away, smash or hurl mine out the window!
Yesterday, I "dropped the whole circus!"
I went out with my sister and daughter and left my work
"home alone!" Though the inner critic attempted it's usual whining,
I shut it up, firmly ignoring it.
As a result, I had a great day out with my two "gal pals" and
when I did get back to my desk, my writer's block was gone!
All refreshed, I've done some very thorough business strategizing today, which I've been trying for ages to get done.
I've written up new product descriptions and marketing strategies for my new products, and a whole lot more!
Wow, I should "drop the circus" more often! It certainly is refreshing and very rewarding! And thanks again for sharing your story!
Karyn Allen commented on 15-Apr-2010 06:51 PM
Your post came at the right time for me also. As a new back to work Mum, I am still desperately trying to hold onto the control I have at home while putting everything else into learning and adjusting to a new job. I get up extra early to make sure the house is in order before I leave. This week I have been struggling with it all but after reading your post, I made time for a leisurely cup of tea while talking to my kids over breakfast about what their days held for them. I have left the house this morning with the beds unmade and clothes all over the floor and blinds still drawn but I know that my eldest son has a math test today, my middle son is learning about carbohydrates today in PE and my daughter is looking forward to playing ball with 2 of her friends at recess!
Lu Mungur commented on 18-Apr-2010 11:08 PM
Oh Amanda, how true and I love your honesty! Having worked for a long time in the IT industry and with a husband who still does, I so get this! Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences too. If I was a better ball dropper, I might still have a voice right now! I have been banned from talking too much by my doctor after having lost my voice for 3 days - my husband was delighted but that's another story. Thanks for some spot on advice! Your time playing with Chris and the boys sounds like great fun.
shelleymac commented on 30-May-2010 09:37 AM
Thanks Amanda. It is timely advice because I'm up to my neck in work, housework and am feeling exhausted. So today we stopped and went on a family adventure regardless of everything else that needed to be done. I know it was the right thing for our family and I will just deal with tomorrow - having chosen an attitude of efficiency for the day!
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Do you ever get overwhelmed with housework? If this is you....I hope the "Mr Men" story will make you smile and that you'll be able to use one or two of the "Coach Yourself" questions to help you feel less weighed down by the domestic chores!
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anne commented on 10-Feb-2010 08:09 AM
Thanks Amanda
I needed to read this this morning - just like little Miss Neat I feel overwhelmed sometimes picking up after 3 sons and a husband. I've learned to step back a little and avoid walking into rooms sometimes to avoid the frustration I feel at having to clean up yet again. It's so true though about being thankful for it - I'm grateful for a full, busy home - and I wouldn't be without any of them - I need to take them as they are - mess included. Thanks for the reminder Amanda
I needed to read this this morning - just like little Miss Neat I feel overwhelmed sometimes picking up after 3 sons and a husband. I've learned to step back a little and avoid walking into rooms sometimes to avoid the frustration I feel at having to clean up yet again. It's so true though about being thankful for it - I'm grateful for a full, busy home - and I wouldn't be without any of them - I need to take them as they are - mess included. Thanks for the reminder Amanda
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